glocks out’s Neighborhood

At our final concert tonight, in the Philharmonic Hall in Timisoara, there were only about 40 people in attendance. Somehow, this didn't really affect us, at least not negatively. I don't know about everyone else, but I totally went for it. I sang my heart out like I'd never get to sing these songs again (mostly because I probably won't), and like there was no one else in the room to feel nervous or embarrassed around. I love that feeling, of being totally free to sing out and put every bit of energy I have left into it. Needless to say, I am basically OUT of energy, so I'm thankful that tomorrow is a totally free day, to just pack, relax and say goodbye to our host families. And speaking of thankfuless, I have really been blessed by one of our songs which I knew from both my years in Bel Canto prior to this trip. The text is taken straight from an e.e. cummings poem called I Thank You God, and there are a few lines I just love. The first is simple, but the music and the words together are just so beautiful and such a good reminder of the blessing that each day brings: "I thank you God for most this amazing day..." Then there is the line, "I who have died am alive again today." Just think about that for a moment. If you believe in Christ and follow him, and you've accepted him into your heart, then the old you has died and you are alive again, a new creation. I all too often neglect to recognize the magnitude of this change inside of me.... The part of the song that never fails to give me goosebumps is: "How should tasting, touching, hearing, seeing, breathing -- any human merely being -- doubt unimaginable you?" The music has such an urgency, and an immediacy that seems to say, "LISTEN UP! Look around at all the things you can experience, and all the WAYS you can experience life. How could you possibly help but thank God for all of it?"

So anyway...that was the very last song we sang, in our very last concert in Romania. It was pretty cool.

Tomorrow is a totally free day, so we will just pack, relax, read, write, walk around, spend time with our host families, and say goodbye to Romania, as we will meet back at the church at like 3 a.m. Wednesday morning to head to the airport. I'm ready. I'm sad, as always, to leave this place, but I'm ready to be back home.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers and support!! I'm gonna try to get those pics up soon, and probably send out a brief follow-up letter (which I'll also post here) with the highlights of the trip.

Much love and appreciation for your continued prayers for safety and blessings!!!

-Tabitha

Well...there are just two full days left in Romania before we board the plane Wednesday morning. Supposedly, at the Crusade tonight, they were supposed to have announced our concert at the Philharmonic tomorrow. I didn't notice it if it did happen, but I'm okay with the possibility that it didn't, because I'm pretty sure telling like 10,000 people about a concert in a rather small building might be a disaster. :-P Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to the opportunity to perform in such a cool place!

This morning we had our final church concert, in Arad. There were two guys there who were a big part of the Graham Crusade this weekend; I'm not sure if the one guy is the pastor at this church or what, but it was cool to interact with him more personally. He joked around with us at lunch after the service. The other guy is Nelu, who we've worked with on both tours (2005 and this one), and I guess he's kind of a big deal both in the political realm and in the Church in Romania. The concert went really well, including my solo! I felt kinda nervous, which was weird, but I think I may have just panicked when I momentarily forgot the words like two seconds before I started! But they came back to me just in time...PTL!

I haven't had much time or energy to put up more photos yet, so I'll probably finish that up once I get home in the next week or so. I think the group is gonna set up a photobucket account and share the password so that we can all upload ALL of our photos, as a few girls didn't bring cameras, and we had a lot of photo-op moments where it would've been silly to get the same picture with 40 different cameras. So that'll be fun to see, if it works out.

I'm definitely feeling an odd sense of closure with Romania. Not necessarily forever, and not in any way bitter or negative...just a sense that I don't HAVE to come back again right away, which is how I usually feel whenever I leave here. It may be because my life is heading in some new directions right now that will probably put world travel on the backburner, or it may be because God's got something else in store for me to pour my heart into, and he knows I only have so much to give. I dunno. But today, for the first time since all these feelings of unrest came over me last week, I felt a peace. I mean...there is so much in store for my life right now, so many great possibilities, and it really hit me today that I don't need to limit myself to what I'm familiar with or what I already know I can do because I've done it...if that makes sense. Anywhere I go, God is with me. And anywhere I go, as long as I'm obedient, he will give me opportunities to serve, to be a blessing, to grow, and to be blessed.

One thing I do know, which I apparently forgot temporarily between my first trip with the choir and this one, is that it is REALLY hard to spend three straight weeks with 50 19-year-old girls. This year's group has had a much better attitude (overall) than the group in 2005, thank God (seriously)! But there is still no avoiding the drama, the emotions and the crazy mood swings (myself included)...so it's been interesting, to say the least. And rather stressful, too. I'm definitely looking forward to hanging out with some GUY friends, and basically hanging out in a group of, at MOST, maybe six or seven people. I actually feel kinda bad for Megan, my tour bff (best friend forever), because the last few days I've just been really easily irritated and thus kept to myself as much as possible, and kept my mouth shut to avoid saying anything too terrible (which, sadly, I did do at least once).

Anyway...a few people have emailed or talked to me online to let me know they've been reading the blog and praying for me, and I've SO appreciated that! Keep up the prayers, especially for safe travels home on Wednesday, and for NO fat ankles from the flight! :-P And pray for all of us, me included, for the reverse culture shock not to be too hard. It's always weird returning home from a place so different than what we're used to. And you'd think I'd be used to it by now, after four previous international trips, but it's still gonna be hard, I think, readjusting to the American lifestyle. There's some things about Romania that I get used to really easily, like having such laid-back meals that last hours rather than rushing through it to get to the next part of the day, and even small stuff like having delicious bread with EVERY meal. So I'll miss some of it, most definitely. And, of course, there will be the much appreciated improvement in plumbing and the blessing of walking into a building that DOESN'T wreak of cigarette smoke...and the awkward but fun process of remembering to say "Thank you" instead of "Multumesc" and "Arcadia Presbyterian, this is Tabitha, how may I help you?" instead of "Buna ziua, ma cheama Tabita, ce mai faceti?" :)

Alas...I must find sleep again. Thankfully, we don't have to be anywhere until after noon tomorrow (er, today already!). But I'd like to walk to the park and read, write, relax a bit in the morning...so off I go. I promise to try to post one or two more times before we leave...and maybe even get that dang video up of Numai Harul!

http://www.billygraham.org/News_Article.asp?ArticleID=330

The above link is an article about the second night at the Franklin Graham Crusade, at which we sang two songs and shared the stage with Dennis Agajanian, an amazing American guitarist! I also totally smiled at Franklin, and he told us all that we did a great job. :) I'd love to write more about it, but I only have a few minutes before I absolutely MUST get to bed, because we have a REALLY early call time tomorrow. I was able to call home to let them know they could watch the live feed of the crusade, so my mom got to see me! That was exciting to learn.

Anyway, the trip is winding down. We've got another concert tomorrow in Arad, about two hours from Lugoj where we are staying now, and then we will attend the final night of the crusade (not performing, though). Then on Monday we will sing in the prestigious Philharmonic Hall in Timisoara, and Tuesday is a mystery. I've heard rumors about visiting the hot springs, but I wouldn't be surprised if we end up scheduling another concert somewhere, as that has happened at least three times this trip already. Then, Wednesday morning at 6ish, we will board a plane in Timisoara, head to Bucharest to connect to London, then will arrive at LAX Wednesday night around 7:20 p.m.! I must say...I am really excited to get home. This has been a great trip overall, but for the first time on an international trip like this, I've struggled quite a bit with homesickness.

Lastly, just so my roommates (if they happen to read this) don't freak out, I'll let you all know that Megan (one of the girls on the trip with me) and I will spend the weekend in Santa Barbara to unwind and get over our jetlag in the most relaxing, gorgeous place in California. I'm SO looking forward to the beach. And seeing my boyfriend. :)

I'll try to find time to write a few more posts before we leave, but I make no promises. Ceau!

The last couple of days have been rather hard for me. It's 2:30 in the morning, and I should really be sleeping, so I'll have to keep this short. I don't know exactly what's happening in my heart, but it hurts. It's a sort of detachment...like I might be approaching the end of something, and I'm preparing myself to say goodbye forever. I don't really know how else to explain it; at least not without spending at least an hour thinking it through and typing it out. Please keep me in your prayers, mainly for better focus and energy, and also for renewal. Tomorrow (today, actually), we will attend the first night of the Franklin Graham crusade in Timisoara. Saturday we will perform, and Sunday we will attend the final night. Then on Monday we will have the privilege of performing in the Philharmonic Hall in Timisoara (a HUGE honor, to which we were invited just a few days ago). I don't know what's on the schedule for Tuesday, and then we will hop on a plane early Wednesday morning and be home around 7:20 p.m. (5:20 a.m. Thursday morning in Romanian time). The trip is winding down...sometimes it doesn't feel soon enough, but I know God is still working in us and through us here. I just feel like I'm running out of pieces of my heart to give away here...

Hey everyone,

I found the USB port on the computer -- woohoo! Haven't gotten a hold of Megan's SD card, which is where the video of us singing Numai Harul is, so that will come soon. BUT I did upload the first of what will be MANY facebook photo albums, and I'm pasting the link here for your viewing pleasure. Captions will come soon...but it's almost 1 a.m. and we've got an EARLY morning ahead. About ten of us are getting to the church early to go to Esther's House (Casa Esterei) to bring bread to some elderly people. Should be fun! I'll try to update tomorrow night with some more substantial stuff.

Link! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2058377&l=83c8c&id=56900730

Yesterday seemed to be a somewhat difficult day for a lot of people. Maybe it was just me...but I felt like I wasn't the only one feeling sort of bleh. It's probably that mid-trip funk that happens on missions, where you begin to realize that you're about halfway to home and you have mixed feelings about that fact: part of you wants to have more time here to experience things, meet people, bless and be blessed, and another part of you misses home so much that another week and a half seems too much to bear. I may be totally wrong, but I sensed a lot of that funk happening among the choir yesterday. Our two concerts went well, overall, but our voices are gradually becoming weaker (mine especially; Dr. Hughes kept motioning for me to give more during my solo, but I physically couldn't push any harder to get the sound out), and there seemed to be a lack of energy.

But like I said...it may have just been me. I didn't sleep much the night before, and I had a TON of other stuff on my mind that made it hard to focus on the music and, honestly, the ministry.

Today, as far as I know, we are supposed to visit one of the placement centers (orphanages) in Lugoj (or possibly Timisoara, I can't recall). I'm really excited to see some of the same kids from three years ago. I don't even know which ones will still be there, because a lot of them were 18 and 19, and I think that that's about the age when they are "released" from the centers and move on to other places or get jobs or...something. So anyway, you can pray for us today, that we will make genuine connections with the kids, and just that they will see Christ in us. And for me in particular, pray for focus, peace and energy.

Until next time...la revedere!

P.S. I was going to upload a video from last week, my solo!, but I just learned that this computer doesn't seem to have a USB drive. Any techies have any idea where it would be besides on the front of the modem? Do they put them in the back ever? Bah.

We have finally arrived in Lugoj, where we will stay with the same host families for the remainder of our trip. This means we don't have to lug our baggage around from place to place, and we can actually do some laundry, get to know our hosts, and just feel a little bit "settled" for awhile. I'm really thankful for all of those things. And I'm especially thankful because our host home is a) GORGEOUS, b) internet-equipped, and c) really close to the church where we will meet every morning to set off on the day's events and adventures. Tomorrow's call time is 7:30 at the church...bleh. You'd think I'd be in bed by now, right? But I'm not really tired, and I've got the computer in my room (which I have all to myself), so I let the other girls on before they went to bed and now it's my turn. :) Plus, I'm feeling update-y. Yay!

I've been thinking a lot during this trip about love. I've thought about how hard it is to really, genuinely express love to someone. Not just verbally (though I have plenty of trouble with that, too), but by actions. And even by thoughts. One of our songs is taken right out of 1 Corinthians 13, and the other night when we were singing it, I really let the words sink in. I wondered, "Could I love someone like this? Have I ever loved anyone like this, even for a minute?" Let me remind you of the passage:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

It's really quite intense. Without love, I am nothing -- even if I can fathom ALL mysteries and ALL knowledge, and if I have a faith that can MOVE MOUNTAINS...if I don't have love, none of it means anything. Okay then...what is love? Patient. Kind. Not envious. Not boasting, proud, or rude. Not self-seeking. Not easily angered. Keeping no record of wrongs. Not delighting in evil. Rejoicing with the truth. Protecting. Trusting. Hoping. Always persevering. Never failing. I'm really not certain I can say I have ever loved this completely. I seem to always fail or fall short in at least one of these areas. Usually it's either that I'm self-seeking, or not trusting, or giving up rather than persevering through hard times. Sometimes I'm envious. Sometimes (especially with family) I'm all too easily angered.

Anyway, during this particular night, singing this particular song, my thoughts were not so morbid as they may seem now. I found myself instead thinking about how exciting it would be to begin to try to love someone like this. Actually deciding, specifically and determinedly, to attempt this kind of unfailing love. What an adventure!

And if you know me...you know that this is a huge step. I mean, I'm a very loving person. I am generally pretty likable, and easy to get along with, and not especially selfish or rude, most of the time. I am also very reserved, and I have a lot of walls. In my writing, I don't really keep those walls up...which is why, if you've ready any of my other journals online, you probably know me quite a bit better than I'd ever let you in person. (It's also why I love to write so much, because I feel that release of all the stuff I can't seem to let out in relational interactions.) So...as of late (like, the last month or so), I have begun to experience -- actually without really intending to -- the vulnerability of letting down some of my walls. I'm opening up to someone more easily than I ever used to, and I'm finding myself feeling much fuller...more complete, and more comfortable in my own "me-ness"...if you will. Rather than feeling the dreaded sense of weakness or rejection that I seemed to equate with becoming vulnerable, I feel strong. I feel confident in who I am, shortcomings, quirks and all. And I feel ready to try this real love thing. Even bigger than that...I feel ready to let myself be loved.

Okay, so I know this post doesn't have much of anything to do with the tour in Romania. But you couldn't have expected me to go three whole weeks without writing a regular-ish Tabitha post, could you?

So anyway...those are my thoughts tonight. Take them or leave them...it's me. And I'm pretty happy with that right about now.

Getting online twice in one day...saweeet! :) Our host family tonight was very excited to allow us their internet, so we are very happy to indulge in their offerings. Anyway, still not a lot of time as I don't want to monopolize the computer, and I also am looking forward to getting to sleep before midnight!

Anyway, tomorrow we will do some sight-seeing and have our first day without any concerts! We are all pretty relieved at the break for our voices, I think. Tonight's concert was pretty good. A smaller, somewhat conservative church, but they welcomed our more upbeat songs with only slight hesitance...hehe. My solo was probably the best it's been yet, and Toge told me that people asked him whether I was Romanian because of how good the pronunciation was. He said I've been improving (didn't know it was really bad to begin with...lol). But anyway, that was a nice comment to receive, and I'm continuing to thank God for the ability to speak, sing and understand what little Romanian I do!

Some more things to pray for: continued health for the girls who have remained healthy, and healing for the few who have been dealing with tummy troubles, migraines, and other various not-too-serious but still unwelcome ailments. Also, that our poor bus driver will be able to get us places in a more direct manner; he's gotten lost pretty much EVERYWHERE we've gone, and one of the leaders suspects he might be far-sighted because he is always asking when to turn left or right. He's a very sweet man, though, and has a great sense of humor (and is a safe driver, Mom). :) Pray for more times like last night, when it seemed that EVERYONE in the room felt God's presence and power. That is what we're here for -- to encourage the church, uplift them and remind them what a magnificent God they are serving; a God whose mercies are new every morning, and who gives us beauty to look at and experience in SO many different ways. It seems sometimes that people (not just in Romania) get caught up in the routine of church, prayer, Bible-reading, etc., and lose sight of the adventure that living for Christ can be! So let's pray for a renewed sense of joy, too. I'm sure there is tons more I could say, but I've got to let another girl on here, so...

Noapte buna! (Good night!) Although, I guess for you Californians I should say, "Pofta buna!" - Bon Apetit, since it's lunch time.

Until next time...

Last night's concert was...stunning. Awesome -- like, literally AWE-some. I couldn't help but cry because I knew I was in God's presence. That is such a wonderful feeling...especially when you get it while singing songs that have been sung so many times you tend to forget the magnitude and beauty of the words you are speaking.

Anyway...not much time, again. But I journaled about this in my actual journal, so when I have more time (or when I get home), I will transcribe and post for your reading pleasure. Let's just say that it was an evening full of realizations of how wonderful God is, and how wonderful it is to experience, share and practice love.